Best Friends forever 

Time passed by and at the age of 11, my life changed as I found my best friend.  She was one of the most popular girls in my school and she had many friends. Everybody seems to like her and spend time with her. I don’t know why she chose me to be her best friend as I was like an invisible girl to everyone.

As I said before  I was empty inside, I felt like I don't have emotions or feelings. It's kind of like being a robot. I just say or do things that someone asked of me.

I was like a dessert with vast empty space just filled with sand and she was like a river that flows in the middle of dessert which enriched it with the fullness and liveness.  

She became my role model. I just took everything in from her without any filtering. She loved to eat pineapple and it became my favourite food. She loved to sing, dance and listen to music, Those became my favourite hobbies. However, I failed terribly at singing and dancing and realized I can't do everything she does. 

Until then in my life, I never had any choices or likeness to anything. So  I have just taken everything from her and tried to fill up my empty space. I really wanted to be like everybody else as I felt I was not fit into society. So she was my only hope as that's the most exciting thing that has happened in my life.

As I told you before, I was not good at my studies. To be with my best friend, I started to put more effort on studies. Most of the time my best friend decided what I should do and what not to do and I happily followed her without any questions. She was like a second mother to me but a bit controlling mother. Because my mother was gentlewomen never tried to control me. She always accepted me as it is and loved me for who I was.  But I wanted someone to control me and I chose my best friend for that.

With her, I joined many school societies and did drama too. Suddenly I became known to others as a Friend of My best friend. Some didn't know my name but they knew it as Meesha’s friend. I was happy with that time as I got some recognition. 

After I met my best friend I became very talkative. I never knew I had a funny, cheerful side too. I filled up my empty world with all of them and I started to dislike solitude. All of sudden it had become my enemy. 

I didn't know that I filled up my mind with other peoples likeness, dislikens, and their views not my own one. As time passed I was very much dependent on my best friend and I didn't know what to do without her. 

Diary of Broken Heart

Who I am

Who Am I?

Actually, Who am I? This is an unanswered question that throbs my head from the day I came into this universe. My quest is to find an answer to this question.

Before I share my diary with you I would like to tell you a bit about myself, the way I have defined myself to the outside world.

I’m an ordinary woman born in an ordinary family on a tiny island. My parents were not rich but not poor either. They are an average income family. 

I didn't have any heartbreaks that I can recall now in my childhood, but I was neither happy nor sad. I don't know a term to define what that feeling was. Maybe a boring, dull child would do some justice. 

Similarly, I didn't have any likeness or dislikes of my own. Food, clothing, anything my parents provide I’m fine with it. But I remember there's one thing I liked which was solitude. I liked to be alone and do nothing, just stare at something and stay in my world. 

I haven't had any long term friends until I went to middle school. Talking always exhausted me. I was very poor at expressing myself to others. I was not a good listener either.

When I was in grade one I met a friend, she was funny and she talked a lot. Most of the time I was listening to her stories. But sadly she was not selected to the same class in grade 2. So our friendship eventually died. It didn’t make me unhappy as I liked to be alone. I stayed alone without friends until grade 5. It was never an issue for me. If somebody asked something I helped them or I listened to their stories. I never had the need to express myself to anybody or I didn't find someone who really understands me.

In the fifth grade, I found another friend, she had issues with her parents and troubled childhood. She was not good at studying as she failed her grade exams, so she repeated the same class again. She was the only girl who was older than us in the fifth grade. Nobody wanted to be her friend. For some reason, she wanted to be my friend. I didn’t mind being her friend.

Well, I was also not good at studies and I barely passed the exams. 

I didn't know I was good at poetry until a poem I wrote got selected as the best poem written for that grade. It was published in our yearbook too.  Those are a few of the memories I have from my childhood.

Again, my friendship ended in grade 5 as my friend went to another school. 

Basically, I had a dull childhood. I wonder why nothing intrigued or interest me in my childhood.